IELTS Writing Task 1 — Teacher Feedback

IELTS Writing Task 1 — Tables
The tables show how many international students studied in Canada and the United States by country of origin in 2002 and 2003.
Two tables showing international students in Canada and the USA in 2002 and 2003 by country of origin.
Grammar Range & Accuracy
Lexical Resource
Coherence & Cohesion
Task Achievement
Student Essay — 228 words

The chart illustrates the data of students from three different countries that study in Canada and the USA in a year of 2002 and 2003.

Overall, the USA have the larger amount of international students through out the given years. While Canada experience a upward trend in the number of students moving into the country for studying purpose.

In Canada, China have the largest amount of students in both 2002 and 2003 respectively 5,400 and 7,850. Right after is the USA with 5,000 in 2002 and increase to 5,450 students which is about 9%. Last one is India in the year 2002 have about 2,100 learners and rose 17 percent to 2,835 in the next year.

The other country which is the USA have a noticeable larger number in foreign students to compare with Canada. India stood at first place with approximately 200,000 exchange students but have decline 9 percent of learners in the subsequence year and remains only about 182,000. Overseas that pursuing academic goals that have origin country of China have only half of the Indian learners in the year 2002 and saw a growth in the next year to about 6,600 more students. Canada have the least learners at only 31,000 but have the most noticeable change in 2003 to approximately 33,200 in 2003.

Text-level feedback: cách nâng toàn bài

Overview cần 2–3 big-picture featuresUSA cao hơn rất nhiều về tổng số; Canada tăng nhanh hơn (+17% vs +2%); India là nhóm duy nhất giảm ở bảng USA.
Không kể bảng theo từng hàngThay Right after / Last one bằng cấu trúc ranking + change + contrast.
Giữ reference terms nhất quánDùng international students / Chinese students / Indian students / Canadian students; tránh đổi sang learners / exchange students / overseas nếu không cùng nghĩa.
Kiểm tra quan hệ “by” và “to”rose by 6,600 to 116,600; fell by 9% to 182,000. Đây là lỗi dễ làm dữ liệu trở nên mơ hồ.

Band score ước lượng

Overall
5.5
ước lượng
TA
6.0
Task Achievement
CC
6.0
Coherence & Cohesion
LR
5.0
Lexical Resource
GRA
5.0
Grammar Range & Accuracy
Bài có 228 words, vượt mức tối thiểu 150 từ. Điểm trên là ước lượng phục vụ phản hồi học tập, không phải điểm examiner chính thức.

Information chain nên dùng

IntroductionParaphrase: numbers of international students, two host countries, 2002–2003.
OverviewUSA much higher overall; Canada grew faster; India fell only in USA.
Body 1 — CanadaChina largest (+45%); USA second (+9%); India smallest (+35%).
Body 2 — USAIndia largest but fell; China second and rose; Canada smallest and rose slightly.

Table-specific control

Rank + change + exact figuresVới table, chọn thứ hạng và hướng thay đổi trước, rồi dùng 1–2 figures hỗ trợ. Luôn phân biệt rose by X với rose to Y, và kiểm tra percentage của từng row.

Phân tích chi tiết theo IELTS Band Descriptors

Task Achievement — vì sao khoảng Band 6?
Bài có overview, nhận ra USA có nhiều international students hơn Canada, và dùng nhiều figures cụ thể. Tuy nhiên overview chưa chọn đủ những differences quan trọng: tổng số ở Canada tăng 17%, trong khi USA chỉ tăng 2%; India là nhóm quốc gia duy nhất giảm ở bảng USA. Có một lỗi dữ liệu đáng kể: India in Canada tăng 35%, không phải 17%. Cụm “most noticeable change” về Canada in USA cũng không được bảng hỗ trợ rõ.
Coherence & Cohesion — vì sao khoảng Band 6?
Bố cục 4 đoạn rõ: introduction → overview → Canada → USA. Đây là điểm tốt. Tuy nhiên cohesion ở sentence level thường mechanical: While Canada… là fragment; Right after is… / Last one is… giống cách kể danh sách. Hai body paragraphs nên nhóm theo ranking + direction of change + contrast thay vì đọc từng row theo thứ tự.
Lexical Resource — vì sao khoảng Band 5?
Có cố gắng paraphrase bằng foreign students, exchange students, overseas, pursuing academic goals, nhưng nhiều lựa chọn không chính xác hoặc không tự nhiên: amount of students, studying purpose, number in foreign students, subsequence year, Overseas that pursuing academic goals. Range có nhưng precision và collocation chưa ổn định.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy — vì sao khoảng Band 5?
Hầu hết câu đều có ít nhất một lỗi. Các lỗi lặp lại gồm subject–verb agreement (USA have, China have, Canada have), tense (have decline, remains), article (a upward trend) và sentence formation. Có thử dùng complex sentences nhưng accuracy giảm rõ khi câu dài.
Priority sửa bài
  • 1. Overview phải chứa 2–3 big-picture features, không chỉ một xu hướng chung.
  • 2. Với table, dùng ranking + change + comparison, không kể từng dòng bằng “right after / last”.
  • 3. Kiểm tra tất cả percentages và phân biệt change of a row với total change.
  • 4. Dùng vocabulary ổn định: students, number, rose/increased, fell/declined, respectively, compared with.
  • 5. Kiểm tra subject–verb agreement và past tense vì toàn bộ data nằm ở 2002–2003.
Model overview tốt hơn
Overall, the United States hosted far more international students than Canada in both years. However, the total number in Canada grew much faster, rising by 17% compared with only 2% in the USA. Chinese students were the largest group in Canada, whereas Indians formed the largest group in the USA, although the latter group declined between 2002 and 2003.
Model answer tham khảo
The tables compare the numbers of international students from three countries studying in Canada and the United States in 2002 and 2003.

Overall, the United States hosted far more international students than Canada in both years. However, the total number in Canada grew much faster, increasing by 17%, compared with only 2% in the USA. Chinese students formed the largest group in Canada, while Indians were the largest group in the USA despite a decline in their number.

In Canada, the number of Chinese students rose sharply from 5,400 to 7,850, an increase of 45%. Students from the USA ranked second, growing by 9% from 5,000 to 5,450. Indians were the smallest of the three groups, although their number also increased substantially, from 2,100 to 2,835, or 35%.

In the USA, Indian students remained the largest group, despite falling by 9% from 200,000 to 182,000. The number of Chinese students increased from 110,000 to 116,600, while Canadian students rose more modestly from 31,000 to 33,170. Overall enrolment in the USA therefore increased only slightly, from 581,600 to 592,230.