Solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of an international organization rather than each national government. Do you agree or disagree?
Ảnh bên trái là đề gốc do giáo viên cung cấp; mọi nhận xét Task Achievement/Data accuracy trong review này lấy chính ảnh đó làm nguồn chuẩn.
Task Response / Argument
Coherence / Logic chain
Lexical Resource
Grammar
Điểm mạnh / Band-up potential
Student Essay — 375 words
The international organisation should be responsible for addressing environmental issues rather than a single country. In my opinion i agree with this statement due to several reasons.
On the one hand, some might believe that environment problems are national governments responsibility due to some potential foundations. First, international can not demand or force a country to follow the law they implemented if they do not willing to. These global agency can only ask for cooperation. In fact, even one of the largest global group like The United Nations can only send documents to inquire about coordination from powerful countries including China, the USA and Vietnam without any means of compelling member states to act. Furthermore, there is no one size fits for all policy that can adapt to many countries due to the differences in geography and economy of different countries. If the intergovernmental organisation demand every countries to reduced the same amount of greenhouse gasses, it would be unfair for smaller countries that produce less gases and the fact that it will effect badly to the economy of these smaller countries.
On the other hand, in order to address the environment issue need a international organisation to stand up and take the responsibility because environmental problem is not a local problem but a global one and a single country can not make barely any difference to cure this crisis. Primarily, local pollution can affect badly to the whole ecosystem around the world and make consequences that irreversible. In fact, when factories in a single countrie emits greenhouse gasses it can contribute to the global problems and then accelerate the speed of many nature phenomenon such as melting glacier that rise the sea level posing threat to countries that have city lying under the sea level. Furthermore, fighting against climate change is not a thing that a individual country can possible do. In order to shift the climate trend need many countries that willing to sacrifice a part of their benefit for the earth. For example, only a small countries like Vietnam decided to cut down their industrial branch to become a green countries and big nation like China continue to release tons of carbon dioxide to the nature it will not make a difference.
Responsibility for tackling environmental problems should lie primarily with international organisations rather than individual national governments. I agree with this view because many environmental problems cross borders, although national governments still have an important role in implementing local measures.
On the one hand, national governments are necessary because international bodies cannot directly control every country's domestic policy. Governments can regulate local industries and adapt environmental measures to their own economic and geographic conditions.A single global rule may therefore be impractical: asking every country to make identical emissions cuts could place very different burdens on richer and poorer economies. This means national authorities remain essential for enforcement and local implementation.
However, international coordination should take the leading role because the most serious environmental problems are not confined to one country. National action is therefore necessary but insufficient on its own.Greenhouse-gas emissions produced in one place contribute to global warming, which can accelerate glacier melt and sea-level rise far beyond the country where the emissions originated.International organisations can provide common targets, coordinate commitments and help countries share scientific and technical knowledge. For example, if one country reduces emissions while major emitters continue as before, the overall effect will be limited; coordinated action creates a much stronger collective impact. Such coordination also helps national policies move in the same direction instead of working against one another.
In conclusion, national governments should continue to enforce environmental policy within their borders, but international organisations should take primary responsibility for coordinating action on cross-border problems such as climate change.
Feedback
Giữ — position rõIntro chọn đồng ý và body 2 phát triển case cho international responsibility; không cần đổi lập trường.
Sửa — weighing giữa hai sidesBody 1 nói national governments cần thiết, body 2 lại nói một nước gần như không thể làm gì. Đổi thành necessary but insufficient on its own.
Củng cố — sentence controlNhiều ideas tốt bị che bởi sentence quá dài; tách causal/conditional chains trước khi nâng vocabulary.
Học thêm — evidence integrity + closureNamed organisations/countries cần mechanism rõ; nếu không, dùng hypothetical. Thêm conclusion ngắn để khóa lại “who should lead”.
ThesisInternational organisations should take primary responsibility; national governments still implement locally.
Body 1Concession: limited international enforcement + different local conditions → national role remains necessary.
Body 2Weigh back: cross-border effects → national action alone insufficient → coordination should lead.
CloseMột conclusion 1 sentence nhắc lại division of responsibility; không cần thêm idea mới.
Agree/disagree weightingKhông cần chứng minh phía kia “vô dụng”; chỉ cần giải thích vì sao phía mình nên lead.
Evidence chainclaim → mechanism → example → interpretation/link-back.
Named example checkNếu không chắc role/fact, đừng name-drop; dùng general/hypothetical example có logic rõ.
Sentence loadConditional/cause chain có 3+ bước → split để grammar không che reasoning.
TR = 6Prompt được address, position rõ và hai sides có relevant development. Chặn 7: một số support quá tuyệt đối/không đủ chắc và concession chưa được weigh back gọn.
CC = 6Overall progression intro→counterargument→own case rõ. Chặn 7: long sentences và mechanical linking làm local progression kém linh hoạt; conclusion thiếu closure.
LR = 6Có range đủ rộng cho topic (greenhouse gases, intergovernmental, irreversible) nhưng collocation/word form sai thường xuyên. Chặn 7: precision chưa đủ ổn định.
GRA = 5Complex structures được attempt nhiều nhưng agreement, articles, verb forms và clause frames lỗi dày. Chặn 6: complex accuracy chưa theo kịp simple structures.
1. SửaThay absolute claim bằng national action is necessary but insufficient on its own.
2. Củng cốTách conditional/cause chains thành 1–2 câu có actor + verb rõ.
3. Học thêmExample theo mechanism → example → link-back; tránh name-drop nếu không giải thích role.
4. SửaThêm conclusion 1 câu để khóa division of responsibility.
GiữHai lý do lớn: enforcement/local fit và cross-border coordination.
Repair #1Thesis dùng primarily để answer “rather than” nhưng không phủ định national role.
Repair #2Counterargument trở thành concession có mục đích, không thành paragraph chống lại chính thesis.
Repair #3Main argument dùng cross-border mechanism và hypothetical example thay claims quá rộng về countries.
Repair #4Conclusion khóa lại division of responsibility, không thêm idea mới.
Position chaininternational lead → national implementation remains necessary.
Concession chainenforcement limit + local differences → national role.
Rule tái dùngConcession phải quay lại thesis bằng một weighing sentence.
Band-fit repairKhông dùng syntax khó hơn cần thiết; ưu tiên actor rõ + verb rõ + one logical job.
Evidence integrityGeneral/hypothetical example tốt hơn named claim nếu exact fact không được giải thích.
Causal precisionemissions → global warming → glacier melt/sea-level rise được giữ thành chain dễ theo dõi.
Conclusion1 sentence restates who leads + who implements.
Target TR 8+Position well developed; concession và main case đều phục vụ direct answer.
Target CC 8+Paragraph roles rõ, transitions tự nhiên và causal chain dễ theo dõi.
Target LR 8+Topic vocabulary precise mà không name-drop/overstate.
Target GRA 8+Complex clauses được dùng khi cần và giữ agreement/verb frames ổn định.
Bắt chước #1Dùng primarily / necessary but insufficient để weigh two sides.
Bắt chước #2Đừng để example thay reasoning; mechanism phải xuất hiện trước hoặc ngay sau example.
Bắt chước #3Tách câu dài trước khi cố làm vocabulary “academic” hơn.
Band profile ước lượng
Overall profile
≈6.0
Criterion avg 5.75 · learning use
TR
6
Task Response
CC
6
Coherence & Cohesion
LR
6
Lexical Resource
GRA
5
Grammar Range & Accuracy
TR 6 · CC 6 · LR 6 · GRA 5 (criterion average 5.75). Position và overall argument được phát triển đủ để giữ TR/CC/LR ở Band 6, nhưng grammar errors dày và một số evidence/absolute claims chưa đủ chắc. Đây là ước lượng học tập, không phải điểm examiner chính thức.
Target profile
8+
Improved essay
TR
8+
Task Response
CC
8+
Coherence & Cohesion
LR
8+
Lexical Resource
GRA
8+
Grammar Range & Accuracy
Đây là mục tiêu thiết kế của bản chỉnh sửa 256 từ. Bản improved giữ cấu trúc/ý có thể dùng của học sinh nhưng sửa các điểm đang giới hạn band; đây không phải điểm examiner chính thức.